January 19, 2012

Aside from my Creator, I know myself second best. So, what I’m about to express may or may not align with how I feel in … an hour, a day, a week, etc. I am one of those females who changes her mind constantly. I don’t know what I want, okay?!

My husband knows me best.

Anyway, I am encouraged with the current state of mind I’m in. Up until recently, I have been feeling discouraged and scared and doubtful and just … not positive. And while I’m aware of the work already put in and what is to come; while I’m aware of the cost of my ultimate dream coming true and understand that I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to save thousands and thousands of dollars come the unfortunate news that I might have to undergo … IVF; while this situation is one that is just plain heartbreaking; all the while, I’m in a positive mood. Today—in particular—I don’t feel doubtful. Today, I feel like there is a place I want to be, and I’m going to get myself there. I pray and hope and wish and plead that the worst of worst circumstances are not mine. The last thing I want to do is wait and be patient and relax and … whatever. But, mark my words—it will happen.

It just will.

This month. Next month. Next year.

I will have that man’s child if it’s the last thing I do.

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