What a good day.
Well, as I shared previously, I visited the dermatologist about three weeks ago because I was going through a stage of paranoia. Ha. Yes, I guess that’s what it was. Without delving into my medical, psychological history, I will share with you that my struggle in life is my mind. It can go ANYWHERE. That is where Satan attacks me, and with all the baby drama—and it having come to a short pause—I have become increasingly worried, scared, burdened. Yucky, yucky emotions. The Lord is really … teaching me to trust Him and His Word. It’s been a long journey, and there are thousands of more miles to run to complete this race. Boy oh boy. Anywho, some of my coworkers were casually discussing their past and current visits to the dermatologist. Enter: “Maybe I should go to the dermatologist annually. I do have fair skin. Hmm … Oh, I don’t really want to open that can of worms. SKIN CANCER. NOOOOO!!!!” You get the idea. So I ignored this feeling inside me to make an appointment with a dermatologist; then a week later, the feeling came back. Was there anything specific I was worried about? No, nothing at all.
My mind Satan was controlling me. So … I went to the dermatologist, and she found a little gem on my back. A pretty little thing that has been there for at least three years. Of course, my husband wasn’t worried about it as it’s been there for what seems like forever. I got freaked out because the doctor gave me a prescription for some topical medication and wanted to see me back in three weeks. She told me what she thought it was (harmless) but just wanted to follow-up. I said, “So, there’s nothing to worry about … yet.” She says, “No, not yet.” Oh Heavenly Father, I don’t like that word “yet.” But did I worry? People, this is me we’re talking about it! Yes, I worried! I was in the dumps for about a week, felt better for a week, then was horrified of my upcoming appointment this week. All the while, my husband STILL knew it was absolutely, positively harmless.
And it is. It’s nothing. It’s healing. It’s not skin cancer. Thank you, Jesus.
So, what have I learned? Through all the crap in life, maybe I’m just lucky to be alive and well. Perhaps—in the moments of my deepest despair—I shouldn’t wish harm upon myself. Maybe—with as heartbreaking as life can be—I should be happy to have the things and people God has given me.
It’s almost been a year since my infertility was initially discovered. My initial plan was to have been pregnant by now. Well, I’m not. What can I say?
I am slowly feeling “okay” about it all, though. I don’t mind seeing or hearing news of pregnancies or newborn babies.
That whole glass half empty thing? That has got to go; it’s something else the Lord has shed light on. My attitude.