December 31, 2012 Part 2

With great cheese and much unoriginality, I give you my Year in Review.

How weird is it that New Year’s Eve is on a Monday?

“Let’s go party and get drunk … on a Monday!”

Not that I’m … errr … getting wasted or anything. No seriously—I’m really not (but I wish).

So, 2012 has been a decent year I guess. I mean, of course, there’s that black hole that consumes all that is sad and hopeless and depressing and full of heartache. Besides that—2012 was a good year (but I’m glad it’s over). Ha! Honestly, though, I think the last four months of 2012 were actually fantastic. I’m not sure if pessimism is a coping mechanism of mine; I don’t know if I thrive off negativity. Regardless, much of 2012 was shitty—there’s no denying it. But I’ll be fair and declare that 2012 held some pretty amazing moments.

January

January was a seriously depressing month. The holiday blues were kicking in. My parents visited us for a long weekend, which was nice. We had our first appointment at the fertility clinic that shall not be named. Little did we know this clinic would cause more heartache than infertility itself. I ditched Facebook, Twitter, and blogs because I couldn’t handle the emotional toll these social networks took. January marked our fourth cycle of Clomid. Well, on to February …

February

This month was just as bad. My husband and I learned that we both suck at reproducing. It was winter, and winter is pointless. I was looking forward to Valentine’s Day, but a day full of love and hearts and flowers and crap is difficult to appreciate when you’re going through a “down” in marriage. Yes, folks, I’m proud to say us new timers have officially survived our first “down.” Most people are having the time of their lives during their second year of marriage, and then when it’s time to care about more important things than which way the toilet paper sits on the holder—that’s when people fall apart. I’d like to say my husband and I are basically unbreakable. We went through hell. I honestly can’t recall a highlight of the month. Also, this was our fifth and final cycle of Clomid.

March

March wasn’t much better. (I promise 2012 gets better.) There was more bad news, more infertility heartache. We did see The Lorax, which was fantastic. And it’s a good thing this movie was released to theatres before the Aurora shooting because—Lord knows—I can’t sit through a movie at the theatre these days at all or without my blood pressure rising. The weather started to change in March, though, which was a good thing. I don’t think I could ever go back to the six-month long winters that Colorado blesses its natives with. Also, we didn’t do any fertility treatments and started a three-month break because my husband was prescribed Vitamin D supplements.

April

April was pretty shitty. I had a bout of depression and anxiety during the first week. I thought my weekend visit to see the units in D.C. would be fun and relaxing. Instead, my brother and his wife decided to have their baby, and my father choked on food. And—I was worried about this stupid thing on my back for half the month. April was pretty crappy. A highlight was when I found out I didn’t need to worry about the “stupid thing on my back” (although I still do—for no reason—from time to time.) I also participated in a fantastic beach day in April and the end of the month marked the end of law school. So, for about a week, I enjoyed my husband enjoying a short (much-deserved) break. This month was—what I like to call—a break month. In other words, we didn’t do any fertility treatments—and I was still waiting for the idiots to schedule my husband’s appointment with a specialty doctor for which it was recommended by my retarded doctor to rule out CANCER! F****** morons. Ha! Was there EVER a reason to fathom that he might have cancer? NOPE! THEY JUST LIKED TO TORTURE US AND MAKE US SQUEAL.

May

You know what? May could have been a hell of a lot worse. We celebrated my husband’s graduation and birthday, which was Cinco de Mayo weekend. It was wonderful visiting with his parents, as well as seeing my parents. He deserved that weekend. But—the heartache is never-ending, like when I found out that my friend—to whom I’d spilled my guts out about infertility woes—was pregnant. And—she still is; she’s due on Friday. Fantastic. For us, May was also a break cycle. Another highlight of May was my trip home to see my family. At first, I wasn’t planning to go, but then I said to myself, “Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Just because your ovaries hate you doesn’t mean your family does. Go to Colorado.” That was, honestly, one of the best weekends I had—have had—in a while! Mid-May marked the beginning of Bar prep. That’s all I have to say about that. Oh—and my husband and I actually thought I was pregnant. Hilarious. Why would I be pregnant?

June

June was a much better month. I went to Charleston with my parents to see some relatives. That was a wonderful little get away. I also learned that my fertility clinic sucked and IVF was going to cost more than I could ever hope to afford within the next year. June brought the big decision: “Let’s move to D.C.” I applied to every job imaginable while my husband studied for the Bar. I went to a fun sex toy party. That’s about it.

July

Much of my family visited during the Fourth of July. That was fun, although I watched a drowned man never come back to life on the sand of Virginia Beach. That was an experience: Praying to God while your innocent two year-old niece is sitting on your lap asking, “What happened?” A lot happened in July. We did our first and last IUI, my husband took the Bar Exam and I applied—and was offered—the job I have right now!

August

In August we moved in with my dad. I started my job. My husband went to the specialty doctor and found out everything is fine. He tied some loose ends down there in Virginia Beach and joined me good in ol’ NoVa.

September

I went to Colorado over Labor Day weekend and got to see ALL my brothers! That was a fun—but short—weekend. My husband got a job! Yay! September kind of flew by. We found our new home and made plans to move in on October 7. We also made an appointment with Shady Grove Fertility Center. I can’t remember whether it was at the end of September or the beginning of October, but we found out we were expecting a baby girl—a South African Boerboel named Sarabi. Oh, what joy she has brought me.

October

We moved into our new home sweet home. We had our first appointment at Shady Grove. It was a wonderful appointment. Those people speak my language. SGFC is a blessing from God, and I can’t say enough good things about them—and I’m not even pregnant yet. Ha! October brought my 25th birthday. And—most exciting of all, we got our Princess Sarabi. But—how could I forget?! We found out my husband passed the Bar Exam!!! That was a joyous moment. It was such a relief knowing that phase was over and done—and done with success! My husband went to his swearing in ceremony as Sandy hit, so I didn’t end up going with him. He wanted me to stay home, though, so I went to work for a few hours and got sent home mid-day, and took care of our baby girl. I also did Day 3 tests and had an HSG. We did our STD tests. No STDs! Yippee.

November

November was good. We had a fertility appointment, and I spent that month getting all the financials in order. We received a fantastic discount for our IVF cycles. We also received free medication. And—we were approved for our loan. So, all the logistics were coming together well. We visited some of my family in Massachusetts. It was wonderful to see my grandparents. My dad also visited, which was nice. It was wonderful to see him, as always. Thanksgiving was fun. It was filled with online shopping for Christmas decorations and creating our first Christmas-filled home. We spent the actual Thanksgiving Day at my boss’ house; I was grateful for the invite. I missed my friends, though.

December

December was great! We basically started our first IVF cycle, no matter how much stalling my estrogen decides to do. I started birth control. We had a fun time at my company’s holiday party. My last drink was December 1. There were moments of panic concerning fertility medication costs, and currently I’m worried about this damn cyst on my ovary. We visited our close friends. We enjoyed far too much peppermint chocolate. I started seeing some exciting results from my workout regimen: speed training and the Butt Bible. My husband started P90X. He received a job offer at a wonderful company. Christmas on our own was a wonderful experience. My husband’s dad visited—is visiting! December was an exciting month.

And so, 2012 has ended quite well. It began with much heartache—and although there are still obstacles to tackle—the latter part of 2012 has rocket boosted us into a great 2013.

I was hoping for a baby in 2012. Hell, I was hoping for a baby in 2011. I was praying for a baby. Agonizing for a baby. God didn’t give me a baby, and if He had, that wouldn’t be the baby He’s going to give me soon. I know—no matter how much it hurts to wait—that the set of embryos the doctors create will be the only babies my husband and I will have ever wanted. That egg and that sperm. God does see the big (enormous) picture.

We’re in good hands. We’re blessed with funds that more than cover the cost of IVF—and then some. For those things I can control, I do a pretty good job. For those things I can’t control—that’s what family and a good shot of tequila are for.

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One thought on “December 31, 2012 Part 2

  1. You know what’s actually kind of cool about this? The hindsight… It’s pretty cool to look back and see how things work out. In June you were saying “IVF is going to cost more than I could ever hope to afford within the next year”, but by November it was “I spent that month getting all the financials in order”… no panic, just dotting your “i’s” and crossing your “t’s”. It’s funny (in a not at all funny kind of way) how absolutely stressed we get in the moment, but 2, 3, 6 months later all the details are worked out. So cool!

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