February 6-11, 2013

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Well …

There’s an embryo in my uterus. (!)

The transfer went really well yesterday.

I had to pee sooo bad during the procedure, but at least my bladder was full enough versus not enough. They transferred one embryo. It was a 1AB blastocyst. So from what I understand, it is an excellent blastocyst! Four other embryos are still growing and hadn’t quite reached the blastocyst stage as of yesterday. I am praying they have grown to the blastocyst stage by now.

They had a television screen high on the wall—perfect for a woman’s view lying down. It displayed a still photo of my little, itty bitty baby. They checked my wrist band, asked for my name and date of birth twice, and asked for my social security number. After the transfer, the embryologist checked the catheter to make sure there wasn’t still a little baby in there.

I laid there for about five minutes with a bladder ready to burst. The nurse gave me my discharge instructions—pretty self explanatory. I went to the restroom, and there had been so much pressure down there from the full bladder and “procedure,” all the pee was just trickling out very slowly! Of course I didn’t want to strain or push, but, seriously, it took me three tries to fully empty my bladder!

Now I’m within three hours of finally being off bed rest. I am starving!

I even have a photo of my sweet baby blastocyst!

Friday, February 8, 2013

I feel normal. No bloating, no cramping, no soreness.

I also feel relaxed and …

Anyway, I feel relaxed and the most stress-free I’ve felt in a long time.

I even find myself choosing to be calm. So, it is a choice—I guess. This is a good lesson for the future. Granted, this journey has had its moments—like finding out you still have to purchase over $1,000 worth of medication AFTER you’ve begun your cycle. I mean, I’m as happy as ever we started when we did, but December 7 was a day from hell.

Monday, February 11, 2013

I hate this feeling.

And it doesn’t help that there’s nothing to do at work.

It’s not that I’m doubtful; it’s just that nothing is going on.

I’m no longer relevant. Haha.

I guess I felt better when there was a daily activity involving it.

Now I just wait. There’s not much I can do.

After two years, it’s reeeeeally difficult to change my mind set.

This is what’s so horrible about it; it’s the most evil mind f*** that exists.

It just screws with my head.

But then I remind myself that this month wasn’t Clomid or an IUI … or just regular old trying.

This month was different.

This month was IVF.

Like the heavy duty stuff.

Like it doesn’t matter about eggs, sperm, ovulation.

A beautiful embryo was placed in my uterus six days ago. There’s no reason for it NOT to work.

And to think—I am amongst the highest success-rated group.

And it’s easy to have hope and positivity for other women. It’s IVF; it’ll work.

But this mind game is no different than other months. That’s what sucks. After the exhilaration of having the procedure wears off, I’m scared to admit … that I’m scared.

If the answer is no, I’m not sure I’ll be able to breathe. But the joy of it being yes: Can that joy really exist? Will I really get to experience that joy?

I hate this.

But it could be worse.

It could always be worse.

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