Nothing

I guess I’m starting to feel discouraged. I mean, why would I be pregnant?

I feel nothing. Not a thing.

I mean, sometimes I feel little things—but I basically feel nothing.

I’ve put this wait on a timeline, comparing it my chemical pregnancy. I still have about a day to feel something. My period could start any day.

I’m just so scared to keep carrying this burden. I mean, what’s next?

I thought we’d “arrived” at the solution a year ago. Do I have to start all over again after this?

How much money is that going to cost? How much more time will I owe the world until I can finally have a baby?

That’s what bothers me more than anything. We’re running out of options in this direction.

Out of three good embryos on day 3, not one could have developed into a blastocyst? Or maybe it did, and my body just didn’t take it.

Ugh … I just want to not care.

And you know what’s scary? This doesn’t even feel like an IVF 2WW. I’ve been there, done that so many times, this just feels slightly more intense than a Clomid or IUI 2WW. That’s how familiar I am with this whole thing. That’s how normal it is for me.

I guess there’s still hope, but really? Why would it work for me?

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9 thoughts on “Nothing

  1. no no no… don’t why would it happen to me! It totally could happen to you! There is no reason why you wouldn’t be pregnant. There is no connection between any of your cycles. You have no reason to think your embryos are bad. I am believing. I’m rooting for you! If not this cycle then next or the one after that. Don’t lose faith. It WILL happen. BIg hugs! Sending good thoughts!

  2. Don’t you give up sweet girl… two of my favorite ladies just got their FIRST BFPs after multiple failed transfers. Both of these ladies had basically given up, and now they are PREGNANT! Don’t give up! Thinking of you! HUGS!!!

  3. I am still hoping you will be sharing good news soon! I just want to log in and see your post announcing it worked and you are pregnant! I understand the why would it work. I am still hoping and praying that this worked! Hugs!

  4. Praying that you will get a surprise and prove yourself wrong! I think the opposite….that because it hasn’t worked up until now that at some point it is bound to! Something is going to click at some point. It just has to!

  5. I too am weakened in my faith by this journey. I feel significantly detached, I don’t even pray anymore, which I know is terrible.

    I think all we can do is hang on for the ride, and be really nice to ourselves.

    Someone who has been through a rough IF journey herself once told me to plan something nice for your self after you get your news on your results. Like a massage, nice dinner or whatever treat would make you feel good. She said if it’s good news, then you can use it to celebrate. And if it’s bad you can pamper yourself. I always liked that advice. Although, when I did book my treat I usually did so a couple days after the result because if the result was bad I knew that I’d be a wreck for the first little while.

    We’re here with you. Hang in there.

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