<3

There are a few things I’m absolutely loving this week.

  1. I love the freezing temperatures that have hit Virginia this week. Nothing is better than freezing my ass off. I haven’t been able chosen to run because it’s so damn cold.
  2. Related to item #1, I love it when my windshield wiper fluid freezes and the windshield defroster accomplishes nothing because—as mentioned—it’s effing freezing outside. Junk accumulates and freezes, and the beautiful morning sunshine is blinding so there’s literally no way to see ANYTHING. My favorite thing to do in this situation is pull off on the side of the road and clean my windshield with a napkin while semis are driving 55 MPH passed me. What’s really special is when I plan my commute back home perfectly with the beautiful sun setting so I experience the blinding situation again while junk is—again—accumulating and freezing on my windshield … because it’s freezing outside.
  3. Hmm … I don’t know if I love this as much as item #2. I mean, item #2 includes a lot of adrenaline and one-on-one time with Him that sounds like this: “Dear Jesus, please be with me right now because I can’t see a fuckin’ thing …” But item #3 can hold its own—I suppose—because I really love it when others don’t pull their own weight. Like, there’s a task that needs to be completed, but the person who should take ownership of that task simply doesn’t, so I just LOVE swooping in and completing the task on his/her behalf. Somebody has to do it, right?
  4. I think it’s really great when people talk about my hair color [okay, that statement is actually sincere]. 🙂 They remind me of how very rare it is. I love it when I mention that my husband has red hair too. I say these things without thinking first. Oops. But I love it when the anxiety starts to rise because we all know what’s coming: “Aww, your kids are probably going to have red hair! How cute!” I love it when that happens.
  5. Oh my gosh, please let me tell you about something else I love with all my heart. One of my favorite experiences is when Sarabi triggers on stimuli [people] right outside our home. I think it’s a really special moment when the stimulus decides to stand there and watch the shit show. Like, dog is barking at person; person stands and watches. Oh, but the grand finale of this production is when the person is no longer interested in standing there and watching … and proceeds to walk DIRECTLY TOWARD SARABI. Like, the person can’t take a slight detour or anything. Um, she’s coming after YOU. I love it when that happens.
  6. Okay, so I’m not completely in love with this yet, but I’m really starting to like the fact that we bought Mary for a pretty penny and I haven’t heard from my clinical team yet. Like, no feedback or information. Dead silence. I’m falling in love with this quickly, though. It’s just that I love not knowing what’s going on. I love waiting. I don’t think I’ve waited enough; I’d love to do some more of that.
  7. Not specifically related to the events of this wonderful week, but another thing I love is when family members or friends just can’t talk to you or listen to you about your infertility because it’s too hard or weird for them. Now that’s a friend.

Xoxo,

Alli

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12 thoughts on “<3

  1. Along the lines of #7….I talked to my best friend from my childhood yesterday. We are still good friends, but we live 3 time zones apart, so we dont talk super often, and I have never brought up to her that we are doing any sort of fertility treatments. She does know that we have been trying for years. She has 3 kids, and I wasn’t sure how she would react. So yesterday was the day I brought it up…..holy awkwardness. She literally said “I havent asked you about it because I figured you were having problems”. So clearly she does not want to talk about it or offer any kind of support. Gotta love that from a “close friend”.

    • I don’t understand why it’s so weird for some people. It’s almost annoying how awkward some friends or family members get. I’ve found that mothers are most comforting to talk to, so I’m sorry to read that your friend was so passive about it.

  2. Sounds like you’ve had a rough week. I sure hope things get less annoying and fast.
    With regards to point #6, I must say that was the thing we liked the least about SG. The radio silence sometimes drove me crazy. Sometimes, we had to be really insistent about receiving a reply, and then we would receive one. But still, there were long periods where we didn’t hear from them and it was HARD.
    Having said that, it now seems less important in the whole picture of our process (even though I remember distinctly pulling my hair out at the time). We did go ahead with our DE cycle and it was successful. So, I’m not trying to minimize your experience, just saying that things will unfold and you will get to the ET (please let it be sooner than later).

  3. I bet you feel better now having let it all out 😉 I’d be just as frustrated as you about all the points you put down. Take deep breaths and think of something good or something that makes you happy…sometimes that works for me distracting my mind from the bad stuff.

  4. Oh my goodness! Your description of the cold did not make me miss real winter weather! I really hope you have heard from your clinical team by now. It is sad that family members/friends can’t talk to you about infertility… that is NOT a friend at all! Hang in there lady! Sending you a warm hug!

  5. Oh man, so many things to love it’s hard to choose which one is best. I am glad you are safe during all that car and weather craziness! Is it just me, or do you deserve a big fat bottle of wine and a massive bag of chocolate? I hope next week is better.

  6. Family and friends can be so awkward, it’s hurtful! I currently have 2 pregnant friends that I swear are avoiding me, like I have some kind of contagious rash that will harm their baby.

    I’ve found the only people not weird are women who are also in the trenches.

    Anyway, loving your blog and happy you guys found and bought Mary. This is my first time commenting, but I enjoy following along. Hope your clinic calls soon!

    • Thanks for reading! See, why don’t people ask how you are and listen for 10 minutes instead of avoiding you like the plague? Ugh I just find it annoying. I’ve learned to gauge my loved ones’ sincerity, and if they fail my test, it’s not worth it anyway.

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