The Fake Laugh

My husband has identified my fake laugh.

Sometimes I just need silence, and he shuts up. Quickly.

But some people just don’t get it. Some people say really stupid things at the wrong time.

There’s one specific ultrasound tech whom I loathe. I swear she’s going to walk into the exam room one day, and I’m just going to say, “I can’t handle it today. Where’s Kim … or Dr. L evens … or anyone else but you?”

Like, she’s just one of those people whom I don’t get, and she definitely doesn’t get me.

Before I elaborate on our pointless correspondence this morning, let me be upfront.

It’s Monday morning, and it snowed last night. Besides the fact that I’m so over this winter, I just don’t really like scraping off my car at 7 a.m. I don’t really feel like driving 30 minutes to the doctor, especially when I feel like my uterine lining is just growing in vain. What else? Do you really want to know? Well, it would have been nice to use the restroom—like, the restroom—so I didn’t feel bloated for the first two hours of my Monday. I’m a little tired, but not too much. I mean, I don’t really have a case of the Mondays or anything. The estrogen running through my body probably saved my morning to be honest with you.

What I’m trying to say is that—yes—my mood could have influenced my lack of tolerance with this ultrasound tech, but—in all honestly—I was okay this morning.

She walks in the room, and the first thing she says is:

Tracy just said you look like the real-life Strawberry Shortcake!

Me: Fake laugh. (Do you really think Tracy wanted you to pass on that observation of hers? Would you like to know what you look like?)

I wouldn’t say I’m self-conscious about my size, but people have said those kinds of things to me all my life. I just think it’s kind of inappropriate and ignorant. It just really annoys me. Like, shut up. Just shut the f*** up.

Let’s see, what happened next?

She jammed Mr. Wandy up there, and I winced. WTF, lady? We all know that once Mr. Wandy slams into our goodies, it’s all over from there. Nope—we can’t recover from this, Mr. Wandy. My stomach is empty; it’s 8 a.m.; now I’m annoyed. I don’t care how gentle you are from this moment forward, my ladies don’t like you, and I’m feeling nauseated.

She asked when my transfer is. I told her I have no idea because Mary has a cyst.

Oh, so she hasn’t even started her medication yet?

Just measure my lining, you idiot.

Well, my uterus looks really good with a lining of about 8.5. I can’t complain. At least I know Delestrogen does the trick. Mary’s cyst grew between last Thursday and yesterday. Her doctor has reason to believe her estrogen level might be peaking. They are going to bring her in one more time—on Wednesday—and either she’ll be ready to go, or we will “press the reset button” as they like to say. I have to remind myself that this isn’t the end of the world. Because it’s not—I guess.

After the exam, she asked, “What number are you? One, two, or three?” As in, what’s my recipient status …

I told her I was the secondary recipient.

Her: “Oh good. So you’ll get something. I always feel bad for the third recipient.”

Oh good, I’ll get something? And—dear Lord—I hope you don’t actually tell the third recipient you feel bad for her. Knowing you, you probably do.

Shut up. Just shut the f***up.


24 thoughts on “The Fake Laugh

    • I just pray she’s never the tech to exam my little peanut when he/she decides to reside in my womb.

      On Mon, Mar 17, 2014 at 11:41 AM, Belle Haven Drive wrote:


    • Augusta – I love SG with all my heart, but this tech just doesn’t have the right “touch”.

      On Mon, Mar 17, 2014 at 11:45 AM, Belle Haven Drive wrote:


    • Sometimes I think they fail to take a step back and remember who they’re dealing with – probably some of the most scorned of women scorned lol … with VERY sensitive goodies.

      On Mon, Mar 17, 2014 at 1:05 PM, Belle Haven Drive wrote:


      • I don’t talk about this on the blog, but our issue is male factor. I’m sure I’ll tell you more in the future 😉 Anyway, I had a female yoga teacher who I really trusted tell me that maybe I should get a new husband! It was FAR too soon for jokes!!! Cue fakest laugh of all time.

  1. Ruuuude!!! Ugh. That’s so annoying, you’re way to nice to be giving her your fake laugh instead of a little piece of advice. That’s the last thing you need right now. Ugh.

    • Yea, it’s mostly annoying more than anything. I always know she’ll say something stupid, so I just prep myself for it now. She probably thinks she has excellent bedside manner. Our senses of “humor” just don’t mesh, I suppose; half the time I think she’s trying really hard to be funny. -_-

      On Mon, Mar 17, 2014 at 3:25 PM, Belle Haven Drive wrote:


  2. Totally reminds me of the phlebotomist that takes my blood each time. She’s totally annoying and I just dread seeing her face. Her comments are so left field and she always tries to tell me about how good my veins are when she has to probe the needle in my veins. I’ve been trying not to let her get to me but she’s just so….well you get it!

  3. Some people should just not open their mouths at all and just do their job properly. I just hate it when they yank the wand in without any warning or touch. Happened to me once, too, at SG. Her comments where just inappropriate from the get go. I hope you’ll get someone else next time and that Mary will be able to deliver you the goods soon!

    • Isn’t it annoying? Do you remember her name? I wonder if it started with a G … 😉 Like, seriously, I’m not asking them to … ahem … make me feel good, but work on the wand technique please!!!

      On Mon, Mar 17, 2014 at 4:14 PM, Belle Haven Drive wrote:


      • I don’t remember her name as I only had her once at a different location than I normally went to. But she was mean and looked it, too…lol.

  4. Oh my gosh! I don’t understand people like that!! One of the nurses at my RE clinic told a friend of mine “you’ll live”. When they messed up on the timing of something for her IVF. I don’t remember the details. But when my friend went LIVID on her she said, “I’m so sorry – i am just telling you the truth!” Like… no. That’s not your job. Nurses are supposed to pat our backs, take our blood, & answer our questions! “telling us the truth” is reserved for best friends or husbands! What is that about! Thankfully this same nurse has always been really sweet to me. Maybe she learned her lesson! LOL.


  5. Um, sound like that nurse can use some sensitivity training. Ha!

    So glad you’re responding so well to the delestrogen. Love that stuff! Fingers crossed that Mary gets on track to get this show on the road pronto! Thinking of you and routing for you girly!

  6. Pingback: I’ve Got My Eggs | Belle Haven Drive

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