Stay

You have grown.

I still remember learning about your early cell division – which one of those four are you?

I have waited for you so long, and now you are here with me. Sometimes I can feel you – little pops here and there.

You grow strong. Life happens, work is challenging, seasons change … and you just grow.

But don’t grow too fast. Let me have you here – right here – in my belly for a bit. Let me have this season; these times. (I can feel you now as I lay here quietly.)

Your daddy is scooping me some ice cream. I hope he pours plenty of caramel sauce on top. Are you ready for dessert my sweet daughters?

Your daddy says he’s never seen me this happy. That is because I’ve never been this happy.

I know the whole idea is to have you here amongst the world – not tucked away in my womb forever. I know that you will grow, grow, grow. I know that my belly will get big and discomfort will be constant. There will be a time when you are ready to finally meet us.

And there will be even more “times” after that …

(Daddy forgot the caramel sauce. He’s pouring it now.)

My darlings: What I’m trying to say is that I’ve waited for this. I didn’t know if I’d get this. And now I have it. I have YOU – forever. And now we are nearly halfway there. It is bittersweet. I love you.

There is so much more …

But stay here (for some kind of forever?) …

Let me have this. Thank you for choosing me as your mommy. Thank you for fighting and staying here with me.

You are my joys, my loves.

Are you enjoying the ice cream? I thought it was perfect.

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11 thoughts on “Stay

  1. Mmmmm…. Ice cream! I have been eating vanilla with chocolate jimmies (sprinkles). My GD test is today & I hope I get to keep eating it!
    I love how you wrote this. So much emotion. So much love for your sweet baby girls. XOXO

  2. I hope you’re printing and saving all these sweet letters, because these babies are definitely going to know how loved and wanted they are. Glad you are enjoying every last moment of pregnancy. It’s amazing how much happiness it can bring. 🙂

  3. thank you for reminding me I still can cry from happiness too. i am so beyond excited for you and Chris.
    (p.s. I have been reading for a looonnnnggg time, sorry I didn’t tell you before, I was afraid your blogging style might change…brutal honesty is best..I’ll link you my actual blog (not just the creative one) if you are interested…that one hasn’t been udated in some time, but gives you my real life perspective when I went through one of the hardest times in my life (minus 2013 into 2014).
    LOVE LOVE and TWINSIE Love,
    Erin

      • I had to search and track it down. Its:
        erinrunsfar.blogspot.com

        I just re-read it…I was pretty much all over the emotional road map during the first year of layla’s life…and we went through a lot of crap as a couple that we still had to figure out…its still missing a lot of other information though, bc I never went back to blogging after layla’s first birthday. Enjoy!

  4. As always, this is such beautiful writing. I’m really enjoying watching you fully own and enjoy your pregnancy. What a beautiful thing it is indeed, to be awaiting the birth of such precious girls, but wanting them to stay so close inside you for longer.
    Thinking of you. Be well, lovely.

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