Today is my baby shower.
There are moments in a girl’s life when she wakes up with anticipation because it’s a special day.
As a little girl, it may be a birthday. Being embraced by mom and hearing her tell you she remembers the day you were born.
That day you go on your first date with the best boy you’ve ever known … calming your heart to not get too far ahead of itself.
It’s the moments after that boy asks you to be his wife, and you tell yourself, “I’m engaged. I’m getting married.”
Or the morning you wake up to the day you’ve been anticipating … your wedding day. The day you transform from a girl – your daddy’s little girl – into a princess.
You begin a new life, a new chapter. And you anticipate so many more moments, more memories. You plan for so much more to come.
And then, sometimes … life pauses. Your dreams are put on hold. You question whether or not your dreams are forever shattered and who has control of them. Because, surely, you’re not the one who has control of them anymore.
Fear, doubt, loss, heartache.
It was September 6th, just one year ago, and my heart was breaking. My heart was shattering, and I was bleeding. My fourth IVF cycle was failing.
There was hopelessness. I called my mom, and we analyzed all the possibilities of this impending failure. My official pregnancy test wasn’t for three more days, but I knew… it was over … again.
Hope is a beautiful, wonderful thing. It’s also your worst enemy. It takes courage to put your heart on the line and survive just by faith and hope. Well, I didn’t have any left.
And yet, there was more failure after that day. There was more loss. More tears and more heartache.
But I was never going to give up. No was not the final answer. We are women; we are warriors. We don’t give up on our dreams.
For so long, this is the life you’re living. You carry this burden and this heartache with you. You wonder when and how. You wonder if you’ve suffered enough or how much more you owe.
And then … life begins to change. There is redemption, and the puzzle pieces of your dreams begin to put themselves back together.
Do you know what I’m carrying now? Do you know what I carry with me today? I carry my dreams, my precious jewels. I carry my baby girls.
I walk passed that grande mirror in my mom and dad’s living room and see my belly – my baby bump.
Today, I don’t call my mom on the phone crying. We are not hurting together; we are rejoicing together.
Preparations are underway. There are baby girl things on display. There are women who will gather and celebrate together.
There is a white cake with two pairs of pink shoes on top. Do you know how long I’ve waited for this cake?
We celebrate you today, my sweet daughters. You sleep, you kick, and you roll. I feel your every move and am with you always. I carry your precious hearts with me. You are my treasures. You are my miracles.
You are loved. You are wanted. We fought so hard for you. Forever you will be mine.
Today is my baby shower. Today I woke up with anticipation because it is a very special day.
Today is my fairy tale.