I’m Learning

I’m learning to tell my body to relax. I want a good blood pressure reading.

I’m learning to not cry even though I am very emotional, because I want a good blood pressure reading.

I started journaling for me back in May 2011. I still really only journal for me; it’s therapeutic for me.

A bonus is when these women, friends, sisters – YOU – come together for li’l me in a time of need. Thank you so much. Your prayers and thoughts are working. It has been a whirlwind and quite surreal. When you look into your husband’s eyes pleading with him to promise you it will be okay … perspective.

It has been hard, but I am blessed. Pregnancy is not what I thought it’d be, but it’s mine, and I’m the luckiest girl in the world. And I’m not just saying that because I have to after everything I’ve been through to get here. Seriously – I remember the pain; the heartache; the hell. If I was more sick than I thought I’d be through 18 weeks gestation – fine. If I can’t be super runner mommy girl trotting along with my bump – perfect. If the stress of IVF was quickly traded with the stress of a much bigger workload and a lot more responsibility – I will take it. I am pregnant. Here I am with my little baby girls growing inside my womb. I am so lucky, but it has been hard. It has been humbling. This pregnancy has taken a lot out of this li’l lady. I admit that now. I used to bulldoze my way through – one more hour of work; one more chore. “I feel fine; I’m just pregnant. I’ve got to get this off my plate.” Pre-pregnancy, I used to run 30 miles a week. I’d hop out of bed and go. I literally cannot exercise and haven’t been able to because there’s nothing left. I’m glad I didn’t push myself that far. But I missed the happy medium somewhere, and Monday was a wake-up call.

We are indeed stabilizing a case of severe pre-eclampsia. My blood pressures have been really good for over 24 hours – I think longer. The magnesium drip will certainly calm you the heck down, but I’ve been off it for almost a day now, and my blood pressures are doing well. I did have a reading after my ultrasound, a trip to the ladies’ room, a quick brushing of the teeth that read a little high, but I calmed my body down (I swear it’s an accomplishment for me.), and 15 minutes later, it was fine.

As some of you may know, there are several other signs of pre-eclampsia: protein in the urine; troubled liver function; high uric acid; HELLP syndrome. Well … my blood pressures have the ability to reach dangerous levels (though are stable now!), I have protein in my urine, and I have high uric acid. Thankfully, my liver function is doing well, and I don’t have HELLP (praise God). Things aren’t great, but they’re not horrible. These girls have a few more weeks left I pray. πŸ™‚

The babies’ blood/oxygen flow is great. It just needs to stay that way. One doctor (maternal fetal specialist) told me I might be able to go home on Friday with close outpatient monitoring. Another doctor (my OB) said no way; I am here to stay until these girls arrive. So, it’s ever-changing. I just need to be in the best place for these girls wherever that is. I’m probably staying put until their birth. I did move from Labor & Delivery to Mommy/Baby last night, so that’s progressive. And I just learned I’ll be moving to a larger room this evening! Baby daddy is spending a couple of hours checking things off my to-do list. πŸ™‚ My mom is arriving on Sunday. My maternity photo shoot has been moved from a lovely farm in Maryland to the hospital next Friday. πŸ™‚ God bless my photographer.

Thank you for your prayers; they are working. Please continue to pray that my blood pressures remain stable and my blood work remains unchanged. I learned that pre-eclampsia inevitably does get worse, and there’s not much you can do about it as the pregnancy progresses. The magic is stabilizing it until we just can’t anymore, and accepting the fact that everyone is safer with everyone outside the womb than in.

Today I am 26 weeks + 5 days … practically 27 weeks, right? πŸ™‚

Please Heavenly Father … Please, please, please …

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13 thoughts on “I’m Learning

  1. Oh love, I’m SO glad to hear that you are doing better! Hooray for good doctors, blood pressure and anxiety meds! Every day counts, so I’m hoping with you for at least 30 weeks! Don’t beat yourself up over the, Allison. This is NOT your fault!

    So glad you’re going to get a photo shoot… you’ll beautiful anywhere!

  2. Dear Allison
    I have followed you for a few months and have been so thrilled for your pregnancy. I am praying for you and for your girls to stay healthy and will be following you and keeping you in my thoughts constantly
    Karen

  3. I am holding you in my thoughts with great care and concern. This has been so trying already. I want the rest of the journey to be as smooth as possible. May you and your baby girls be healthy and safe. I really want you to get to 30 weeks. Please stay calm, blood pressure. Please plateau, pre-eclampsia. Let’s give these babies as much time inside as they can at this point.
    I’m sorry for not commenting very often, but know that I am reading and keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

  4. Sending you a big hug, darling. Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job of doing all that you can. Hang in there, sweet girls. There are a lot of people rooting for you all.

  5. Soooo glad you don’t have HELLP!!! That’s what I had and is what caused my emergency c section. Prayers answered!! Praying that they continue to be answered for you and your sweet girls. You’re doing such a great job! XO

  6. You have done so well thus far. Keep up the good work. Your girls are cooking just right and will be in the best hands whenever they arrive (praying it’s not for many many weeks).

    xox

  7. This is all very good news. You are right, that it isn’t horrible. I know it’s got to have you scared, but you are doing ALL the right things. You are in the very best place possible to make sure you’re well taken care of. I am impressed with how much you’ve still got coordinated, including maternity photos! So many women I know have been in your shoes, in hospital on magnesium drip, and they all lasted longer than they thought they would before actually delivering. You might be surprised what that forced rest can do for holding things off. I’m praying for you and your babies for sure!

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