Off the Record

I would like to meet up for tea with her nurses and ask if the state of a premature infant can be glamorized.

I would like to whip out Emme’s doctor’s business card, send him a quick note, and ask if it’s appropriate to have mentioned her #preemiepower on photos of her I shared with loved ones on social media. I wonder if he would think I was glamorizing her condition.

I’ve been accused of glamorizing Rowan’s prematurity. This hurts my feelings; on behalf of my friends who’ve walked – and are still walking this journey … this hurts my feelings.

When a baby is born, and baby looks like a fetus – it’s serious. And it’s a reality for the #nicumom. (Crap, I really shouldn’t use that hashtag either. Being a NICU parent does not present its own emotional challenges. Why would I glamorize it? *insert sarcasm*)

To be honest, I have felt bad for my crappy attitude. I have felt very vulnerable sharing my feelings with others. Because my feelings are a bit harsh, and my language – well – it can be a bit much. In my heart, the f-word is the least of my worries, but I suppose it’s shocking to some.

There’s this idea that the happenings in one’s life can create a very bitter person out of the tender-hearted girl she once was. That’s my story. One year ago, I could not have guessed the happenings of my life today – both incredibly joyous and perfect (Rowan) and incredibly heartbreaking.

Mark my words, I do not seek a trophy or sympathy points. Some people suffer. Some people suffer a lot. I just express my suffering. How dare you scrutinize my daughter and her #preemiepower? What’s inside your heart that allows you to critique my every move, de-throne me as my parents’ daughter, even have the audacity to be jealous of the love and support my loved ones offer my daughter?

I trusted you because I thought that was a given. I should not have trusted you.

And – pardon my language – but you’ve officially fucked with the wrong mama bear.

2 thoughts on “Off the Record

  1. Been following you..asking for password…I thought it was Emily but didn’t work..I hope you and Your husband and Rowan are well.

    Sent from my iPad


  2. Oh my goodness! Someone really thinks you have glamorized this? This makes me hurt for you. What is the world!? I understand people are pretty clueless when it comes to what some people go through to have a family, but wow! Please don’t take any of these stupid things people are telling you to heart. I know its hard. I get angry and bitter very easily when people say or do something stupid, but you are incredible, your babies are such a beautiful blessing, and I cannot imagine the stress and fear and worry and other feelings you had going through having them early. I do not like these people who say such nonsense about you! I’m sorry and I hope they stay far far away from you!!! Love you girl! Realness and all!

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